dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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