"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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