I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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