i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
