false alarm. still invincible.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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