A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
