WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
