my mouth tastes like poor choices
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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