a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
