Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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