U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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