Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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