my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
