I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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