Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
