he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
