I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
