Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
