i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
