Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
