Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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