That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
