Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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