if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
