one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
