i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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