dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
