I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
