I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
