I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Randomize
