We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
