I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
