i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
