summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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