i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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