Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
