If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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