Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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