i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
