I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
