Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
