At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
