in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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