happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
