a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
