non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
a search helicopter?!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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