Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
