I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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