it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
