butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
