Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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