Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
